myself processing life

For the longest time I can remember, I've wished to live in a different world to that which we find ourselves in. A world where there were no 'majbooris', nothing which created the feeling of helplessness. A place where the idea of fear did not exist. There was no suffering. Where you lived in the belief that the idea of You - as in an individual entity - was respected by all, especially the Universe in particular. Where nothing in the Universe could hurt your heart mind or body and leave you to wonder why and how this could happen in a Universe that was supposed to be in love with you. I wanted to live in a world where I felt safe, where everbody in the world felt safe, well and truly loved. And because I wished this, I felt this was somehow going to be possible. To begin with, the idea seemed too absurd to even voice. Slowly, consciousness around me opened up and allowed expression of these thoughts. A little further downstream I found other people had similar thoughts, wishes, dreams. And I began to hope. Below is an essay I had written about myself and these ideas - who I was innerly at that time some twelve-thirteen years ago. I realise I haven't changed much at all in this time. Okay so here goes: Who am I? The following is an essay on myself: Hi I am Nazreen Raza, seeking to be a part of the process of creating the new civilization. Who I am, and where I am coming from is a longish story, but I will try to encapsulate a bit of myself, as I am keen to make contact with others who are seeking as I am. I was born in an extremely conservative muslim family in a village in Bihar, India. The islamic religion in its most severe form dictated the lifestyle of my family. And yet, my parents, while a part of this, were somehow not rooted in this as severely as the rest of their family was/is. Also, my father worked for a company that took him, and us, all over the country, which also helped dilute the severe religious effect in our lives. Even so, RELIGION was a big deal, made especially so by the idea that by straying from the basic faith even one tiny little bit we would be severely punished. Questions were a big no-no. It took me the first twenty years of my life to shake this off. First, the fear, then the basic religion itself. I needed a new faith, and my search took me to practically all the religions of the world, and then to all the various philosophical texts, from Aristotle to Confucious to Ayn Rand to Linda Goodman – all had something to give me. I felt a sense of reaching somewhere when I first found Richard Bach’s Jonathan Livingston Seagull. From within myself, came the conditions necessary to propel me on this quest. My earliest memory of my inner psychological landscape is fear, the fear of losing somebody I loved. I remember this as one of my first memories of myself. My immediate family consists of my parents, my brother and my sister. This fear, which I think I was born with, provided the inner propulsion towards questions such as: Who am I? Am I just an entity who has to mindlessly submit to a fearsome God, in order to escape annihilation? Or just a victim of random circumstance, who has no choice in whatever happens to me? I was mortally afraid of the pain of losing a person I loved, and this fear, extreme to the point of paranoia, made me a) cherish the people I loved, explore their inner beauty, and to extend this process to all I met. b) seek a way of forever avoiding this pain. You see, I knew all about the afterlife, and people not really dying, but just changing form. I was completely aware that an entity is never destroyed, and that the other dimensions are just as real as this one. So I never feared death per se. But I did not understand why people had to become inaccessible upon dying, or why sometimes they had to experience pain in the process, or why people had to go through pain in any form, emotional or physical. I decided I did not buy into the pain process at all, never mind the information supplied by the newspapers and my environment in general. And then there loomed the spectre of Jesus on the cross. I decided, sometime in 1985, that Christ was not crucified. This thought came to me with complete certainty, I knew this was true even as I knew I was alive. This thought also brought vague memories of the times of Christ, and my involvement in this. I know I was there, doing what, I don’t know. The next confirmation of me, myself and my path came to me in the form of the Seth series of books, in the early nineties. For the first time somebody said I create my reality, nobody else does. And I can create anything I want. A primer to my experience with the Seth books was Richard Bach’s Illusions – which illuminated a state of existence I had not known was possible. Seth’s information therefore fell on well-prepared ground, it sunk in deep. Seth also confirmed my intuition from 1985 that Christ was not crucified. After this my life became a process of actualizing this data for myself. I saw my wishes and desires as beacons pointing the way to myself. In attempting to actualize every single wish that came to me, I discovered more and more who I was, what I wanted, what my path was in this lifetime. The Celestine Prophecy, and the Tenth Insight were the next green signals I received from the Universe. Today, my need is for creative freedom – that is to actively, consciously create all experiences that lift me up up up and uncreate all experiences which do not. To experience the universe in the way of Donald Shimoda, a bank where I can reach out and draw everything I require. My need is also to experience a world where all peoples are able to actively, consciously create their own personal joyous state of existence, where the air is always pure to breathe, where the whole of mankind and all associated life-forms outgrow the pain/fear experience, where knowledge, joy, happiness, creativity, beauty and love create their own new brew of challenges. I seek to create a world where the parameters of existence are re-defined. Where everything that is born does not have to die an unwilling, unchosen death. Rather, the move to the afterlife dimension is a conscious, chosen, elevating experience. I feel in the world we are creating right now the process of dying as we know it today will be obsolete. This is most of who I am right now, not all, but most. My wish is to connect with more people who believe themselves to be creators of this new world.